Get all 24 Brian Bulger releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Golden (one take), Exist, Exist, Meanwhile, Dead Language, Massachusetts, Dissolve, Quick Step Manic, and 16 more.
1. |
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You were born in a pandemic
Skin on skin
I had dreams and plans to end it
Let me begin
Solid gold in the tempest
No time to breathe
A collective non-dramatic finish
A youth to leave
I’m gonna dissolve
And get swallowed up in a river
The blanket’s cold
And I’m hollowed out every winter
I’m gonna dissolve
And come back stronger than ever
I’m gonna dissolve
And come back stronger than ever
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2. |
Lightning Bolt
03:11
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What am I doing here?
What do I even mean?
If I were to disappear,
Would you cause a scene?
Your arms are a lightning bolt
I don’t feel so lifeless anymore
Honey I’m waiting still
For the sun to break
My guts are bound to spill
I know all my mistakes
But your arms are a lightning bolt
I don’t feel so lifeless anymore
I’ve lost my mind for you
I cut my time in two
I’ve lost my mind for you
I cut my heart in two
There on the foot of the bed
Stuck in the kindest way
Orion looms above my head
I don’t need the day
Your arms are a lightning bolt
I don't feel so lifeless anymore
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3. |
Quick Step Manic
04:05
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Quick-Step Manic
What do you do
What do you do
When I canvas the sides of the room
I’m a quick step manic in the body of a goof
a loudmouth lab who’ll be gone too soon
What do you do
What do you do
When my eyes catch the corner of the room
I started thinking of a Noah and the Whale tune
crooked walls and the great sand dunes
Then some days I’m shy
Lifelong trust denied
I mix land with sky
I’ve lost friends to lies
One with his two face matter-of-fact belief in a god who gets kicks from your grief
The millions of the miles spent sipping on a dream of a kid with a brother friend in a big city scene
Took a minute to die to that
But now it’s gone
Two with his two face plans for the evening but never the revealing of his past
He spun in circles till he ran out of gas, and I watched from the car that he crashed

True, some days I’m shy
Lifelong trust denied
I mix land with sky
I let none inside
What day is it today
Did that happen in reality
What should I say
To show that I was listening
My eyes are a dead battery signal
He looks at me like a funeral
Like the conversation died in me
And they’ll never get their receipt
For the hours spent, the money lent
To the quick step manic on the fence
He wanders and the pacing’s relentless
He manages to fumble through a sentence
Well some days I’m shy
I’ve got reasons why
I feel false inside
There’s no place to hide
If I show my face
To our give and take
Will you only take
Will you only take
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4. |
Dead Battery Signal
01:04
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"When I get full grown
Separate me from my phone
Let me know you but offscreen anything un-alone"
My eyes are a dead battery signal
My eyes are a dead battery signal
Some days I'm shy
I've got reasons why
I mix land with sky
I let none inside
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5. |
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I suppose that it’s true
I’ve got my mind on you
But it’s better to say
you have my every day
On the kitchen floor
With a pair of scissors, cut it short
With a gentle hand
You mend the best you can
On the 80’s bikes
I sing the song you like
But it’s better when you
Scream the words out like you do
But just don’t go too fast
There’s some years to pass
I want to associate
Be friends with the love we made
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6. |
Bad in a Good Way
03:46
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Feels like I’m on the last bend
Of the deep end
But the drowning has
Been just fine
And when my ears pop
And the shell shock
Of this pit stop
Frees my mind
I’ll be alright
I can go there now that I’ve stared death in the face
Doesn’t it always seem like the parts that made us laugh now make us cry
Doesn’t it always seem like the villain pulling the strings is a regular guy
You and me have gone bad in a good way
I promise
The kerosene wipes clean what we couldn’t bear to tarnish
I’ll be alright
I can go there now that I’ve stared death in the face
There’s a conundrum in the wisdom of my spirit
Whitewashed hymns and the deadliest sins pushed me to my limit
But when you deconstruct you’re shit out of luck for a minute
But after the last bend you can break it all down to rebuild it
You and me have gone bad in a good way, I promise
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7. |
God, my
04:57
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I guess there’s nothing left now
I guess I made a mess somehow
Was it the murderous hand of time
Of was I bound to lose my mind
I guess there’s nothing left now
Shouldn’t have said the doubts out loud
Mary put her faith in the lord
But I don’t feel the pain anymore
God, my destroyer
God, my protector
God, the sickness
God, my healer
How do I know you without feeling like shit
I’ve only met you in the thick of it
Is there a lamb or just a beast
I don’t have anything left to please
God, my Armageddon
God, my haven
God, my hell
God, my heaven
When they introduced us
They said here’s what we know
He’s all of it and none of it
And you’re washed white as snow
But don’t don’t and don’t
And plead plead and plead
Die die die die die die die
And maybe then you’ll see
You’re nothing nothing nothing
You’re lucky that’s he’s kind
Die die die die die die die
Leave yourself behind
God, my eraser
God, the erased
God, something out there
God, man-made
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8. |
Baseball Bat (A Story)
05:43
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Hey big brother
The waters good
Just last summer we understood
There’s still some asking
The neighbor dog bites
Dad says you need to sleep on it tonight
Hey big brother
There’s still some fight
He said I promise
And just might
But he ran his mouth about understanding
And then he in the basement, swung
I can hear the crashing
I can hear his voice
I swear I saw her leaving
Like she had no choice
Hey big brother
Good light sings
We were up just in time to see rings
Around the cups and piles on the floor
But now we don’t live here no more
So long big brother
You held on tight
Made it through dreams and devils at night
I hear they live like the real people do
Please won’t you take me with you
I can hear the crashing
I can hear that voice
I swear you’re all just leaving
Wish I had that choice
“I was seven when she walked out the front door
She had a suitcase and a small bag
And I saw her because I was sleeping in the living room
I didn’t have a bed at the time so I would just sleep wherever I got tired
And I don’t think she noticed me
She didn’t know that I saw her leave
And at the time I was wondering why she was leaving in the middle of the night ya know maybe she had to go get something
But the next morning she wasn’t there
And uh my dad said she wasn’t coming back
And that she’d left us because she didn’t care about us
And he gathered us in the living room and he said “I’m angry and I know you’re angry too” you know we weren’t angry at her we were angry at him but couldn’t tell him that
But he said, “I know you’re angry, so you know what men do with their anger is they let it out”
And he said “I’m gonna take this bat, this baseball bat, and I’m just gonna swing it anything I can find. And whoever wants to go next, just let me know and I’ll give you the bat”
So we sat there on the couch, and we heard the crashing, the metal bat, hitting everything in the basement
And besides his violent swinging there was no sound
And then we heard the soft steps as he sighed his way up to us again
And he said “who wants to go next?”
And nobody moved a muscle
‘Cause the thing we were angry at was standing right in front of us
And we couldn’t tell him
Hey big brother
If I never said
I’d have never got through without you in my head
I know we’re all tattered with broken backs
I’ll be there til it all goes black
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9. |
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Living is easy
But dying is easier
And though it don’t phase me
I wish it seemed scarier
My body’s a temple
And you were the priest
They made it look simple
Keeping so clean
Dying to hear something
Anything
They say you stare
Watching everything
Never taught to love myself
My body’s a temple
And you were the priest
They made it look simple
Keeping so clean
All that they taught me
About what I feel
Those feelings are dirty
It hurts to conceal
Giving it up to love myself
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10. |
Tess
03:16
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You can sleep in the backseat
While Clare de lune plays on repeat
I’m captain of the guard
The fence around your heart
When the lower notes get harsh
Place your hand on my arm
Tess don’t mind if it takes some time
She’s adamantly mine
Clouds were pink and we understood
You can walk slow in the neighborhood
Tess don’t mind if it takes some time
She’s adamantly mine
Everything cool, everything kind
You can get high on the passing of time
When she listens to the news
Her hands at ten and two
She blooms even in the winter, she’s her best
A greenhouse in her chest
God Almighty
I’m immobilized
We don’t break we improvise
Life’s easy on the eyes
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11. |
Everyone is the Reason
01:54
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I'm gonna dissolve and come back stronger than ever
“There’s no worse feeling than feeling nothing at all
I don’t know where he got his pain from, but he gave it to me and I don’t know where to put it
I got more in the church
“They say God is mad as hell, (just like dad), so they put his face up next to the American flag”
They said kneel and be nothing
I had everything invested, all of my shit packed so I’d be ready to die and go to a better place
“But there is no transportation
At least not right now”
But when it comes I’ll float up empty handed
For now, “how is that new place on Walnut?”
“When is she due?”
“Where’s everybody going for spring break?”
“Who wants to try this with me?”
What makes you want to be here?
“When I get full grown, separate me from my phone, let me know you but off screen anything un-alone”
I thought everyone felt like me, like they didn’t want to be here
But now I see that everyone is the only reason everyone wants to be here”
I'm gonna dissolve and come back stronger than ever
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Brian Bulger Springfield, Missouri
alt-folk singer songwriter.
KC MO.
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