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Baseball Bat (A Story)

from Dissolve by Brian Bulger

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lyrics

Hey big brother
The waters good
Just last summer we understood
There’s still some asking
The neighbor dog bites
Dad says you need to sleep on it tonight

Hey big brother
There’s still some fight
He said I promise
And just might
But he ran his mouth about understanding
And then he in the basement, swung

I can hear the crashing
I can hear his voice
I swear I saw her leaving
Like she had no choice

Hey big brother
Good light sings
We were up just in time to see rings
Around the cups and piles on the floor
But now we don’t live here no more
So long big brother
You held on tight
Made it through dreams and devils at night
I hear they live like the real people do
Please won’t you take me with you

I can hear the crashing
I can hear that voice
I swear you’re all just leaving
Wish I had that choice

“I was seven when she walked out the front door
She had a suitcase and a small bag
And I saw her because I was sleeping in the living room
I didn’t have a bed at the time so I would just sleep wherever I got tired
And I don’t think she noticed me
She didn’t know that I saw her leave
And at the time I was wondering why she was leaving in the middle of the night ya know maybe she had to go get something
But the next morning she wasn’t there
And uh my dad said she wasn’t coming back
And that she’d left us because she didn’t care about us
And he gathered us in the living room and he said “I’m angry and I know you’re angry too” you know we weren’t angry at her we were angry at him but couldn’t tell him that
But he said, “I know you’re angry, so you know what men do with their anger is they let it out”
And he said “I’m gonna take this bat, this baseball bat, and I’m just gonna swing it anything I can find. And whoever wants to go next, just let me know and I’ll give you the bat”
So we sat there on the couch, and we heard the crashing, the metal bat, hitting everything in the basement
And besides his violent swinging there was no sound
And then we heard the soft steps as he sighed his way up to us again
And he said “who wants to go next?”
And nobody moved a muscle
‘Cause the thing we were angry at was standing right in front of us
And we couldn’t tell him

Hey big brother
If I never said
I’d have never got through without you in my head
I know we’re all tattered with broken backs
I’ll be there til it all goes black

credits

from Dissolve, released November 11, 2021
spoken word was recorded while on my drive home from a therapy session.

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Brian Bulger Springfield, Missouri

alt-folk singer songwriter.

KC MO.

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